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Little Numbers, the Movie
  • Savvy Assistant: It's trending again.
  • Movie Mogul: Domestic or international?
  • Savvy Assistant: Both.
  • Movie Mogul: And you can't find her agent?
  • Savvy Assistant: I don't think she has one.
  • Movie Mogul: Good, good. Even better. Where is she? WeHo? Venice? I want to nail this down today.
  • Savvy Assistant: Germany.
  • Movie Mogul: As in, the country?
  • Savvy Assistant: Right.
  • Movie Mogul: She's not one of those art-for-art's-sake foreign filmmaker types, is she? I mean, you said this Little Numbers thing could be big. I want nationwide. I want box office gold, not some goddamn Independent Spirit Award.
  • Savvy Assistant: No, no. It's big. She has a massive fan base.
  • Movie Mogul: So what's the problem? Get her on the next plane... coach.
  • Savvy Assistant: Well... you see... um... I don't know who she is.
  • Movie Mogul: What the fuck does that mean?
  • Savvy Assistant: She won't say. Her Tumblr is anonymous. She goes by "heartwolf."
  • Movie Mogul: Is this some sort of prank? Is this one of those Ashton Kutcher gags?
  • Savvy Assistant: Nope. She wrote it. It's just... she won't tell anyone her name. From what I can tell she, uh... likes goats?
  • Movie Mogul: Goats?
  • Savvy Assistant: And...
  • Savvy Assistant:
  • Savvy Assistant:
  • Movie Mogul: Spit it out.
  • Savvy Assistant: Ass. She likes ass. Or rather, she likes asses. Plural. Many asses.
  • Movie Mogul: Like donkeys?
  • Savvy Assistant: No. Real. Human. Asses. Boys asses, specifically. Men. Round, firm...
  • Movie Mogul: Fucking foreigners. What else do you know about her?
  • Savvy Assistant: She seems to be in an on-again, off-again relationship with her Swedish husband.
  • Movie Mogul: Well get him on the phone.
  • Savvy Assistant: He, well... he also choses to remain anonymous. And he seems to be in love with Chris Colfer, so...
  • Movie Mogul: The kid from "Glee?"
  • Savvy Assistant: Yes. That's actually how this Little Numbers thing started. It's based off two characters from "Glee." Kurt and Blaine.
  • Movie Mogul: Fuck. That means I'm going to have to apologize to Murphy for that thing that time. What's he in to now? Thai massage?
  • Savvy Assistant: Ecotourism.
  • Movie Mogul: Whatever that is. Fine. Get Murphy on the phone and tell him I want him to sign off on this thing, sight unseen. When he bitches, send him on a fucking ecotour. Then fly to Germany and find this girl with the goats.
  • Savvy Assistant: And asses.
  • Movie Mogul: Whatever.
  • Savvy Assistant: Yes, sir. Right away.
  • Movie Mogul: Wait! Call Colfer's agent. And that other kid, the little one.
  • Savvy Assistant: Darren Criss.
  • Movie Mogul: Get his agent on the phone, too. I'm a fucking genius. It will be like if someone cast "Fifty Shades of Grey" with the "Twilight" brats.
  • Savvy Assistant: Little Numbers has no sex, sir.
  • Movie Mogul: Huh?
  • Savvy Assistant: The boys. They don't have sex in the story. They only meet in the final scenes.
  • Movie Mogul: No sex, huh? Goats, and asses, and Germany, and no sex, and this thing is trending?
  • Movie Mogul:
  • Movie Mogul:
  • Movie Mogul: This is just weird enough to work.

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